I'm rapidly approaching my 29th birthday, and a few things have become alarmingly clear to me. I am not 21. I should not dress like I am 21. This means that I should probably be bypassing Hot Topic and Forever 21 when I go to the mall. This means that I should probably stop trying to squeeze myself into clothes designed for teenagers and covered in tiny skulls.
Why hasn't anybody taken me aside and said, "Girlfriend! (cuz when I imagine this conversation, it's always with some over-the-top expression from every 90's chick flick) You are too old to be dressing like one of the Olsen twins. Punky Brewster called and she wants her wardrobe back."
Seriously. Looking in my closet, I'm growing increasingly aware that I could top every issue of Glamour's "Don't" lists.
I leave you with this little gem that in the words of the great Tommy Lee has been "sauteed in wrong sauce."
So, if you have been seen in public with me wearing atrocities such as these, I apologize. And ask that in the future, if you are to ever again be seen in public with me, PLEASE do not let me wear crap like this. Thank you and good day.